Comprehensive Internet Directory
Home | BDSM Calendar | Library | Discount Vendors | BDSM Resources | Member Personals | THE VOYEUR

BDSM vs. Abuse

The key difference between S&M and Abuse, is "consent".
* Consent = Is an agreed approval of what is done and/or proposed by another.
* Abuse = to use so as to injure or damage: MALTREAT


* Is based on the safe, sane, consensual theory
* S&M is a controlled environment
* S&M has safe words to stop the scene
* In a S&M scene the dominant looks out for the well being of the submissive
* S&M can be an erotic sexual encounter
* In S&M both partners are enjoying themselves
* in S&M the dominant respects limits
* In S&M there is mutual respect
* In S&M the relationship is fulfilling
* In S&M both parties feel they contribute towards the relationships
* In S&M one can ask their partner to "play"
* In S&M relationship there is trust
* In S&M a submissive voluntarily serves the dominant
* S&M is about building trust
* S&M builds self esteem
* S&M builds the spirit of a submissive


* Abuse is not negotiated
* Abuse is an out of control environment
* Abuse does not have safe words
* An abuser does not give a damn about the victim
* Abuse is always one sided
* Abuse is never negotiated.
* In abuse, no one is enjoying the results
* The abuser is into non consensual violence
* The victim has no respect towards the abuser
* In abuse the victim is harmed
* In abuse both parties are left unfulfilled
* The abuser always feel they are superior
* A person does not ask for abuse
* In an abusive relationship there is no trust
* The abuser does not care for consent
* Abuse has no trust
* Abuse destroys self esteem
* An abuser destroys the spirit of the victim

Dominants!!! Before you get in trouble know :
* A sub may be in subspace and not have the presence to stop the scene. Watch for your submissives well
* "Recalling," also known as "Flashbacks." Example of this can be, a sub who was raped years ago, and
during a humiliation scene, has a recall of that traumatic moment. Know thy sub. Don't let her flip out.
* Always clean your toys. Do not use the same toys without using condoms each time. Wash the toys after each
use. Do Not use same sex toys during multiple partner scenes, without changing condoms.
* Always use common sense. You are playing with a human being, who has given you the gift of trust.
Don't abuse that trust.
* Reputation takes a lifetime to earn, yet a measly second to lose. For a moment of gratification, don't ruin someone's life.

Don't be abused...Recognize the Signs

Physical abuse is all of the following:
* Hit, choke, slap, threaten or hurt you outside the scene content.
* The abuser will force sexual acts upon you, even if you are not in the mood
* Will rarely respect your physical limits

Mental/emotional abuse consist of:
* Isolating you from your friends, family or others
* Putting you constantly into a confused state
* Constantly being criticized
* Making you financially depended upon them
* They are constantly draining you of your finances
* You constantly have to watch what you say around them
* Making you feel worthless
* Blames you for all misfortunes
* Extreme jealousy on their part
* You being constantly afraid to speak to your partner
* Never listening to your concerns
* Constantly asking you for financial support
* You living constantly in the state of "Walking on Egg shells"

In case of Abuse:
* Contact National Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or 1-800-787-3224
* Leave the relationship
* Contact your family or friends
* Contact your religious leaders
* Call your local police department
* Get Local Counseling.

Sites for Victims of Abuse:
* Violence Against Women Office - New Hotline Inf…
* Yahoo! Society and Culture:Crime:Crimes:Domesti…
* The Domestic Abuse Project of Delaware County
* Y LD - Domestic Violence and The Law
* Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network
* Sexual Assault Information Page
* Kink Aware Professionals