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| BACK TO BASICS: IN YOUR FACE |
| By Master Ed |
I never try to tell other dominants, or submissive women other than my own, how to live their dominant/submissive relationships, i.e., what rules to make or follow, or what behavior to require, expect or accept, and I have two reasons for this.
One, that's something we each need to figure out for our selves. Two, I’ve listened to other people who consider themselves to "authorities" telling others what should or shouldn't be done in D/S relationships (or talking about what other people do behind their backs).
Those busybodies always sound very self-important, arrogant and I just wouldn't want to look or sound that way, personally.
On the other hand, in the past columns I’ve faced some of my own mistakes in D/S relationships, and others that have been confessed to me, and put them forward for people to consider in terms of their own new or difficult scenes. Because we can try to learn from our own mistakes and possibly from the mistakes of others, and if anyone can learn from another person's mistake without having to go through that person's pain they’re getting away very cheaply indeed.
But enough, for now, about mistakes by us dominants! If we weren't doing something right, we wouldn't even be having these relationships to learn from, and now, for a change, its time to take stock of our successes and the reason for them.
The fact is, many of our lives, particularly our sex lives, are the envy of others. We get the kind of sex we like, as much as we want, we get served, adored, catered to, and others find part of their fulfillment in adapting their lives to our will and suffering for our pleasure. Every night is like our Birthday, and we experience all of this as appropriate and take it all in stride. And we get gratitude from those we take into our lives in this way. Yowza!
Not too shabby, indeed. And just as it's helpful to figure out when we’ve made a mistake, it should be helpful for us to see what we’ve done well. So let me tell you what I know now, and see if it helps you.
What I know now, is that none of this works for long unless I have an absolute commitment to myself.
A commitment to really knowing, and never long forgetting, how I want my life to go, and to seeing how much I can have of what I want.
A commitment to seeing how others really fit into my life, to seeing people and situations as they are and not living on illusions about how I would prefer them to be.
A commitment to having the kinds of please and fulfillment, sexual and otherwise, that make me happiest, and not settling for less than what i know i can have.
A commitment to being empathic, compassionate and as wise as I can be, about decisions I make for myself and for another, so that I can continue to have this kind of life as long as i want it.
And finally, a commitment to keeping an open mind and to seeing the possibilities of change, so that I am committed to my essential self and not to any role that may fit me like my skin right now but which may become too tight or too loose or something that i may simply shed in my unknowable future.
And of course, my commitments to others flow from an ability to first be committed to myself. Commitments to others are subject for another day.
I know this works for me, when I’m running cool. My ability to have and hold this kind of commitment to myself keeps me centered on myself, which is where i want to be, and hot and sexual, which seems to attract and hold the kinds of women to whom I’m attracted, which is what this scene is really all about for me.
Of course, I sometimes get lost in this life, or lose myself in preoccupations far from home, or lose sight of the usefulness of being this way. But when i do, its never for long, and i know where to look for it and its usually right where I left it or close by.
I wonder what other people this about this.
Its so Simple. Different Loving
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Learning the Ropes
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SM 101
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Screw the Roses
Send Me the Thorns
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The Loving Dominant
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Other items by Master Ed:
Articles: 24/7 The Story of Zero
Articles: 24/7
Articles: 24/7 Stick to Mastrubation
Stories: THE STRAP
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