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Dear Ms Kinky
Dear Ms Kinky,

I've been with my Husband for years. He is vanilla and I am interested in Ds/Sm. When we have sex, I imagine he's someone else. He knows that mentality I'm somewhere else but he has no idea where- I feel guilty. Is this wrong?

Signed Dreaming

Dear Dreaming:

If you are having satisfying sex then nothing is wrong with fantasizing. You husband may be as well. I say this is perfectly normal. If you are enjoying yourself then whatever works for you is perfect. I have it on good authority that men often distract themselves when they are having sex so that may sustain the pace until their partner is ready to orgasm. I was even told by one male that when his partner is ready - he zones back but thinks of something entirely different that will let him release quickly.

Your next step maybe sharing your fantasies with your husband. It could work to heighten both of your urges and make the experience that much more pleasurable. Maybe you both could even try role play with each other. It might be interesting to see if that helps bring him into the ds/sm world you are imagining. If my last suggestion works you will also finally have a chance to act out your fantasies in real time. Good luck and let us know if it works!

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