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Dear Ms. Kinky
Dear Ms. Kinky,

I have been with my dom for two years. He doesn't want to scene with me at present, he feels burnt out. Is there anything I can do to help him with this problem?

concerned sub

Dear Concerned,

Sometimes our everyday life can interfere with our D/s way of life. BDSM involves more mental stimulation then a vanilla relationship. When life gets becomes stressful or complicated, sometimes BDSM has to take a back seat to other priorities. Another possibility for scene burn out is wondering if BDSM is taking time away from other things that you could or should be doing. Sometimes too much of any good thing turns into a negative thing. Your Dom feels he needs to take a break from scening and you are concerned for him. I like the way you asked for suggestions of what can you do to help your dom, rather than what you can do to help yourself in this situation. It shows how much you care for him.

It's important for you to discuss what will be different in your relationship during your dom's hiatus from scening. This way there will be no misunderstanding of what you expect from one another. Does your dom need a break from just scening or does he need a total break from D/s? For instance, does he want to dispense with protocols? If you follow a set of rules, does he want you to follow them during this hiatus, modify them, or drop the rules entirely?

Now is a time for you to be patient and understanding and not to act needy or frustrated from lack of scening. Your Dom probably needs some TLC (tender loving care) now. Pamper him and make him feel good. Perhaps he could use a massage at the end of the day. You can offer to do errands for him, help him with chores you don't normally do, cook his favorite meal. On the weekends instead of scening or going to BDSM clubs together, you can go to the movies, shows, concerts. Spend more time doing things together he enjoys, perhaps bicycling, long walks together, hiking, skating, skiing, bowling. If he is close to his family, encourage him to spend more time with them. Perhaps you can invite some scene friends over for a vanilla evening. Or you can just stay home together and relax, each doing your own thing. Also, give your dom space and more time alone if he needs it. If you are not living together, you may see less of each other during this D/s hiatus. This would be a good time to indulge in a hobby, perhaps redecorate your home, spend more time with the vanilla friends and family. Also, meet with and talk to other submissives you are friendly with, who can give you support at this time.

You may find that this D/s break can be beneficial to you. If you are in a serious relationship, with long term potential, this time is a good test to see if you and your Dom can sustain a relationship without D/s as the primary ingredient. If you are in a more casual relationship solely of D/s sessions, then you may want to ask permission if perhaps, you could scene with a friend he trusts during this hiatus period.

Remember that even thought your dom feels burnt out and does not want to scene, he is still your dom. Hopefully this break will last less time then you anticipated and you will be back to scening sooner than you expected. When your dom is scening again, it's a good idea if he take things slow, and balance the D/s out more evenly with the other things going on in his life. With honest communication, patience and understanding you will get through this.

Have fun and play safe!

Ms Kinky

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