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| Adorn Me: The Fetish Wardrobe: Why Should I Dress Up? |
| By Sensuous Sadie |
I heard the last little click as I snapped the corset closed. It fit snugly, but not uncomfortably. Black satin hugged my waist, pushed my breasts up so that my nipples peaked through the black lace of the bodice. Tiny straps over my shoulders held the whole thing up. Perhaps a sense that at any moment, any moment now, things might just tumble out.
As I walked through the party I could feel men's eyes follow my breasts. Sometimes they didn't even look up at me, their heads bowed in reverence of some sort. I felt powerful. Nowhere but a BDSM party could I dress like this, like a slut. I flaunted my sexuality, and the sexual tension flowed around me in foaming rapids.
The funny thing is that a bathing suit probably shows more of me than this corset does. But then, it's not about how much skin is on display. It's that something about corsets that drives us all a little crazy.
Clothing is an artistic expression, as intimate as anything outside your body can be. It is a painting, a sculpture that follows your every move. It affects how people respond to you, and how you feel about yourself. Years ago when I first started riding a motorcycle, I decked myself out in mirrored sunglasses, a Harley jacket, and black boots. To my surprise, some people responded to me with fear. Those clothes didn't change my essential being, but it affected others so much that they could no longer see the real me, the cheerful and gentle me that could be seen the moment I removed those sunglasses.
A similar thing happened when I developed a professional wardrobe for work. When I wore a suit, people took me a little bit more seriously. I guess my baby face always worked a little against me, and I like it when I'm treated with more respect. People like to say that it doesn't matter what you wear, or that your clothing doesn't "say" anything by virtue of being bland. In fact, it's quite the opposite. Every piece of clothing you wear says something about your approach to D/s, not to mention your socioeconomic level, education, and lifestyle.
It can be daunting for a person new to BDSM to learn all the stuff of the lifestyle and look stylish too. One of the easy ways to spot novices is that they show up to scene events in street clothing: the usual stuff of flannel, denim and gabardine. The more courageous ones choose monochromatic looks in basic black, but still neutral enough that they could stop by Wal-Mart on the way home for an extra pair of socks (presumably also black). I'm not making a case that they should be a fashion plate to attend a party, but they will feel more "when in Rome" if they add a little zip to their style.
It would be nice if we were all judged by who we are, and not how we dress. But human beings respond to outward appearance, and dress is a large part of appearance. Still, there are always a few holdouts, people who refuse to dress up for scene events. My friend Sylvio is the king of "I yam what I yam." Sylvio says that his dominance is internal, and so there's no need to change from his jeans and flannel shirt. He may well be right, and of course on a deeper level, he's right about dominance being an intrinsic thing. But he also needs to know that since the community tends to dress up, his partners probably have certain expectations around that - especially when they are women. I remind him that many scene events have a dress code of one type or another, and he may not be welcome if he insists on going casual. Hey, if you show up looking like a Vermont woodchuck, you'll be perceived as a Vermont woodchuck. Is that what you want?
Clothing is more than just about fitting into a community, however. It affects how we feel both on the superficial level (do I look sexy?) as well as a deeper one (does this outfit express my dominant spirit?). It affects how we feel about ourselves, our confidence, and our sex appeal. It frames our bodies, expresses our orientation, and speaks volumes about how we feel about our sexuality. It puts us in the mood and acts as a transition into those magical spaces, a psychological device to take us from the workday world to the mysterious pathways of BDSM.
If you're only going to public munches, a fetish outfit may well be inappropriate. Nevertheless, you'll want to have a few items like jewelry that will express your orientation. If you're attending social events with no play, dress to the nines and feel confident that your outfits will be duly appreciated. At a play party the focus is less on socializing and more on activity, so you will want to make sure you are wearing clothing that doesn't get in your way during scenes, i.e., no dangling jewelry or flowy clothing that can get caught on things. Of course in a private scene with your partner, you will want to dress for whatever is planned.
Clothing is not just fabric and zippers and thread - it is the art by which we express our inner selves to the world.
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Sensuous Sadie is a BDSM columnist and edits SCENEsubmissions, a free e-newsletter for the New England area and beyond. She is the founder and leader (1999 - 2001) of Rose & Thorn, Vermont's first BDSM group. Comments, compliments and complaints, as well as requests for reprinting can be addressed to her at BurlVTSub@aol.com or visit her website at www.sensuoussadie.com. Sadie believes that the universe is abundant, and that sharing information freely is part of this abundance, so she allows reprints of her writing in most venues.
Copyright March 2002
Other items by Sensuous Sadie:
Articles: He Looks like a Dom and Quacks like a Dom, but is he really a Dom?
Articles: SCENEprofiles INTERVIEW WITH SIR VICTOR of DSF
Articles: “Don’t Scare the Villagers”
Articles: Adorn Me: The Fetish Wardrobe: Developing A Fetish Wardrobe On A Budget
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