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| SCENEprofiles INTERVIEW WITH SIR VICTOR of DSF |
| By Sensuous Sadie |
SENSUOUS SADIE: how would you describe your philosophical approach to the lifestyle? Do you feel that your approach is fairly mainstream, or are there areas where you stray from the path, broad as that may be?
SIR VIKTOR: "Without exception, every single person has fantasies and sexual desires they'd like to explore. The difference between us and the mainstream society, is that we're not afraid or perhaps more open minded to explore them. The BDSM community established rules, so that we can consensually follow up on these desires in a safe environment.
"I believe, once you've been exposed to this lifestyle, it will forever become a part of your emotional DNA. Most of your erotic fantasies and taboo desires occur outside your comfort zone. the BDSM lifestyle can become a spiritual place when you will discover who you are and what you are made of."
Sadie: How long have you been involved with BDSM in your private practice?
Sir Viktor: "Privately, I've been in the scene since 1987, when a real estate appointment led me to an S&M club and I got hooked (no pun intended)."
Sadie: How would you say it has changed over the years?
Sir Viktor: "The Internet brought the scene from the underground, so otherwise isolated individuals discovered there were other people out there who shared the same views and feelings towards this form of sexual expression."
Sadie: Can you tell me a little bit about your background?
Sir Viktor: "I'm 39 yrs old. Born in Europe. Speak 5 languages, and I am pretty open minded to everything life has to offer."
Sadie: How did you come to found and lead a BDSM group?
Sir Viktor: "Many got tired of the political climate that existed within the local S&M community in the late 90's. Instead of preaching what an S&M group should be about, I've decided to start one. I live by this motto, 'If something doesn't exists to suit your needs, Create it.'
"The plan was simple; lets concentrate on having fun and keep politics out. We arranged with Lenny Waller of Hellfire (a terrific S&M club that closed in 2002) to have Thursday demos and lectures there, before the club opened the doors to the general public at 10 PM. Next, we asked knowledgeable SM persons to share that knowledge thru demos and lectures for the group. Along the way, we'd have monthly parties for everyone to enjoy. The Genesis of DomSubFriends took place in November 1999.
"We started with about 25 people who believed and shared in our vision. Through word of mouth, more and more people started attending our meetings and parties. We decided to switch meetings to Fridays evenings, because most people don't work on weekends. This made it easier to watch an educational demo/lecture, then stay after to practice what you learned and/or to socialize. This became an unbeatable combo.
"At that point, we arranged with the management of Paddles to have meetings there every Friday from 8:45 PM to 10:45 PM. There's a certain aura about having an SM educational meeting in an SM club. Paddles is an awesome friendly S&M club, whose management believes in the same theory that we do... and that is to make everyone feel welcomed."
Sadie: Please tell me about your website. Why so much info?
Sir Viktor: "I realized there were many people craving to have easy access information on the World Wide Web pertaining to BDSM. I literally checked thousands of websites. Many were good but seemed somewhat incomplete. So instead of having people check for S&M information all over the place, I've decided to create a one-stop information website.
"It's an easy to follow and comprehensive website to help people learn about the BDSM lifestyle. Thus far, we've put up over 15,000 links. Included in that number is every worldwide BDSM group, tons of resources, etc.
"We've just added an International BDSM Calendar. Every BDSM/Alternative lifestyle group will be able to upload their events. It would be neat if every group Worldwide will take advantage of this.
"MichaelK, our wonderful WebMaster, has been nothing short of sensational with his computer skills and ideas."
Sadie: DomSubFriends offers a very wide variety of options from munches to play parties to workshops. Which of these do you enjoy the most, and why?
Sir Viktor: "Both parties and demos have equal benefits. One is educational and the other is social. That is what we're about: being a social and educational group.
"Bob Horowitz (my partner in DSF) is our calendar coordinator. He is a well-known member of the S&M community. He has published S&M magazines, lectured on our lifestyle, and has given tons of demos all over the East Coast.
"BobH ran some of the best private S&M/fetish parties in the local area as far as a decade ago. Through his 20+ years of active experience in the scene, Bob has gotten to know many respected and admired speakers in the S&M community.
"Due to this background, Bob has been able to schedule awesome demos and lectures for DomSubFriends.
"As per your question relating to DSF parties:
"Our parties always sell out quickly. We usually get between 100-150 people attending. We have different party themes to keep things always exciting for everyone. Our responsibility is to make sure all those who attend our events have a good time and never ever feel left out. Every successful creation depends on one thing....people coming back. The only way to get these folks to come back is by sticking to the basics I've mentioned above.
"Those who've been to our parties and demos always feel the relaxed and friendly atmosphere when they are among DomSubFriends."
Sadie: You started a group in a city which presumably was already somewhat saturated with BDSM groups. To what do you attribute your success?
Sir Viktor: "If I can credit this to anything it would be that DomSubFriends simply focuses on demos, lectures and parties, and provides an opportunity to make good friends or perhaps meet a potential partner. Most of all, we've eliminated the idea of cliques because we have made it a point to keep the political climate out of our group."
Sadie: I have read some of the excellent articles in your on-line magazine the Voyeur. Which articles do you find get the most responses from your readers? What kind of writing do you look for?
Sir Viktor: "The ones dealing with the mind rather than the implements. Implements are easy to learn; just go to the workshop(s). The mental part is tougher since it may involve changing your inner self or personal views."
Sadie: What have you found has been the most satisfying aspects of your leadership?
Sir Viktor: "My satisfaction comes from watching others have a good time. Our management team's goal is to make sure that everyone has a good time at DSF parties, socials, demo and lectures. This approach is particularly helpful to newbies who may be nervous at first, because it allows them to feel relaxed."
Sadie: What about challenges that running DomSubFriends?
Sir Viktor: "My challenge has been trying to balance my life involving my marriage, family, slave, career, DomSubFriends, etc."
Sadie: What is your approach to interaction with other groups and group leaders? What are the challenges that you've faced in working with other groups? [no need to dish here, just looking for some general thoughts]
Sir Viktor: "I believe that the more of us that are out there, the better it is for everybody.
I understand how hard it is to balance 24 hours in a day while having the responsibility of running a group. Hence, I thank the leaders of all the groups for putting sweat and time into making sure that there are more educated S&M'ers out there.
"As per challenges working with other groups... I hope to see the day, when politics within our community will be totally eliminated."
Sadie: Do you feel that in general being in a big city with many BDSM options helps people enter the scene more easily?
Sir Viktor: "Yes, it's a numbers game. In addition, NY'ers are pretty open-minded people and like to take advantage of the diversity and excitement the city has to offer in order to enrich their private lives."
Sadie: To what extent do you agree with the feeling that BDSM groups are more rife with politics because of our intrinsic interest in the power exchange, which at the group level can translate into power struggles and that sort of thing?
Sir Viktor: "Okay, follow me for a moment. Say I'm best friends with both 'A' and 'B.'
However, if 'A' and 'B' do not like each other I could be pressured into making a decision with whom I'm going to be friends with. Unfortunately, that's how cliques in groups develop. DomSubFriends does not have that type of atmosphere."
Sadie: How would you characterize the community in New York City as similar or different from the communities you may have visited in the more rural areas of northern new England?
Sir Viktor: "People have more options to choose from in New York City than in most other places I've visited. Surprisingly for a big city, NYC doesn't have as much to choose from as the average out-of-town BDSM'er might think. There are only a couple S&M dungeons in NYC, so you'll probably run into the same faces in the public S&M scene if you're a regular.
"If I had to guess, the public scene consists of probably 500 or so regulars, and the rest is divided between curious tourists and newbies ready to take the plunge into real time."
Sadie: One of your goals is to promote positive awareness in the s&m community. How do you feel about educating the larger vanilla community? Have you been active in raising awareness and support individuals and groups who have been victimized by the broader community's misunderstanding of what we do?
Sir Viktor: "I do not believe in flaunting our stuff in front of the mainstream Society. The less they hear from us is, the better it is for all of us. I'd rather have the leaders of our community concentrate on keeping the education strictly to the folks who are in the scene, rather than try to educate to the whole world what we do is OK.
"All that does is wake up the 'religious rights' and politicians looking for extra votes. I believe that as long as we don't flaunt our way of life in front of them, the leaders of the main stream society have no reason to bother us. They have more important issues to deal with than BDSM.
"But the moment we go, 'HEY! We're into S&M! Learn to accept us,' we're waking up a sleeping giant."
Sadie: What have you observed changing about your own community since you started DomSubFriends? What ways are you hoping it will change in the next few years?
Sir Viktor: "With DSF being in the picture, every S&M'er has benefited in the NYC/NJ/CT area. Alternative choices are always good. Leaders of other local groups have become more service-oriented towards their membership.
Sadie: As you may be aware, the Northern New England states have very few formal dungeons, while there are a number in New York City. What particular role do you think dungeons play in growing the community in general? Do you find that most of the people there are known community members, or just curious?
Sir Viktor: "A large number of our scene's most respected members started out first as 'tourists' in a public S&M dungeon or at some fetish event."
"In NYC, dungeons such as Paddles, The Fetish Warehouse and The Venom Club act as ambassadors for quite a few novices.
"Along with DSF, groups such as TES, LILNR, LSM, GMSMA, and numerous munch groups attract many novices. For a different type of party, Ddevious Delights combines the S&M community with the swinging lifestyle.
"For the younger scene members, Columbia University, NYU and the TNG group at TES hold meetings regularly.
"Lastly, well known scene members such as Master Steelow, The Baroness and a few others run separate fetish/alternative lifestyle events, which attract new members to the scene. In other words, we all contribute our share to maintain the alternative lifestyle alive in the NY area."
Sadie: Is there anything you'd like to add that might interest our readers?
Sir Viktor: "Yes! For all upcoming meetings, parties and events, check out our website:
www.DomSubFriends.com
Sadie: Thank you very much!
Sir Viktor: "Thank you, and keep up the important and good work you're doing for our community."
Other items by Sensuous Sadie:
Articles: He Looks like a Dom and Quacks like a Dom, but is he really a Dom?
Articles: “Don’t Scare the Villagers”
Articles: Adorn Me: The Fetish Wardrobe: Developing A Fetish Wardrobe On A Budget
Articles: Adorn Me: The Fetish Wardrobe: Why Should I Dress Up?
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