Back to DomSubFriends Home

DomSubFriends Memberships

Front Page
Dear Ms Kinky
Book Reviews
Past Meetings

Tez The Season to be Jolly???
She Said

This is time of year many of us become introspective trying to ascertain what our future goals are and what past events we would want to change if possible. When I look back on the past year with regard to my friends. I see most of them are people with a strong interest in D/s S/M. As my scene life moves forward, most of my vanilla friends have been fading into the background. I try to remind myself that life is a balance but it sometimes seems mine is somewhat off center.

However, as a dominant i know what I am looking for in a submissive, and what I am Willing to give of myself to that person. I also acknowledge how seriously I take each And every relationship. Instead of a Santa type 'wish list' -- (I want a master/mistress) I would hope that most people do such a self inventory, thinking about what they have to offer, and how it is/isn't in line with their expectations. Any areas that are lacking can be reworked, so as to facilitate accomplishing their personal goals.

I feel being part of group like Domsub Friends has been, and continues to be, a wonderful experience. Among another things it's been a great way to network with Like-minded people. However sometimes we expect too much of our peers and fellow bd/sm'ers.. We can forget each one of us has our own needs, wants, realities, and expectations. Say for example you are a Male dominant looking for a relationship with a female submissive. Are you looking long term? What qualities do you seek? What do you have to offer the submissive? Are you looking for someone equal on other levels than D/s? Do you want to be a care taker? If you find what you are looking for, will you stop looking? Should you find this person, where do you see yourselves after a few years have passed? Are you honest about why you are into this and what you are looking for?

I do believe D/s enriches our lives, but only when we know who we are and why we seek what we seek and understand fully what needs the scene fullfills. If our expectations aren't so lofty that we set ourselves up for repeated disappointment, its a wonderful to be in an a relationship which is, ideally, nurturing for both parties.

I feel this is the time of year that these things are best contemplated while we reflect on the past and ask ourselves, "What we would change if we could?" Most of us make our resolutions are the typical ones: losing weight; stopping smoking, being nicer to old folks, etc. But this also a good time to take stock of our D/s S/m lives. I've listed what I consider questions every Dominant and Submissive should ask themselves. The questions, if answered honestly, should tell you what your chances are of finding what you seek. By clearly elucidating your desires and goals, it's much easier to improve the areas that will help you achieve your desires.
Why am I doing this?
What do I have to offer or what do I bring to the table?
Am I looking for D/s to fix my real life - problems?
Am I a caretaker or giver?
What do I want long term, and what steps can I take to achieve these goals?
If I believe that D/s enhances my life, what ways exactly does it do this for me?
Am I honest with my submissive/Dominant?
Am I healthy (emotionally)? If not, what steps can I take to be more so?
What do I expect from my D/s partner?
If my expectations for the relationship are not being fulfilled, what can I do?
Where is it that am I looking for that Dominant/Submissive? Is it the **right** place for me to be looking?
If my previous relationship didn't work, what were the stumbling blocks, and what did I learn from that failed relationship?
Am I operating at my full potential, being the absolute best I can be?

If you can answer all the above questions honestly, and with the well being of both yourself and your partner in mind, you should be able to have or at least develop, a good D/s relationship. I can tell you that a satisfying D/s relationship brings ultimate pleasure to both sides, and is well worth the often considerable effort of clearly, and honestly identifying exactly what your expectations are, and carefully considering the best way to achieve them.

I do wish all my newfound friends at Dom sub friends a happy, healthy, kinky, and wonderful journey. A journey that will be constantly evolving, flourishing as they grow in their quest for the ultimate D/s experience.

May all of our reader's Holiday Wishes come true, with a healthy, happy, kinky New Year filled with anticipation of good things to come.

He Said

Okay this is the time of year we can hear about grandma getting run over by a Reindeer while both are totally plastered on Christmas Eve. We can run around amongst a whole bunch of people battling each other in totally unholy like form for the last bargain on the table in the mall. It can be the time we are all anticipating what others are going to buy us or what in fact we must figure out what we are going to buy others. Where we are going to eat on the holiday nights or days and whose going to get stuck cooking and cleaning after all the party celebrators go home to brag or complain about the gifts they received or gave out. After all let's get it straight the holidays are mainly for children. Since in no way do those reading this piece qualify as children anymore there is a whole question just as to what the fuck this season is really all about once you strip away all the parties and the gifts no one in reality needs or in many cases really even wants. Hey so I am a fucking Grinch what can I say.

What can we really gain from this holiday season? Well if we look back over the past year we can reflect. We can decide if in fact we have been fortunate enough to make some really new cool friends. If people regard us or respect us in a better light than they did last year, then in fact we have something to celebrate about. If we know in our heart and souls we have made or at least attempted to make this place a little bit better place for someone else then we have a reason to celebrate. If we have been fortunate enough to find a friend who really wants to be a part of lives we have something to celebrate. Okay folks getting the drift. This is a great time of the year to reflect upon our lives, where we have been how well we have done there and where we would in fact like to go in the future or where we may have wanted to go this year but for some reason or another never got there. Now is a good time of the year to figure how I as a person fit into the scheme of things in general.

Now as dominants and submissives it is also time for us to take stock of our lives in the scene. We should be truthful to ourselves or as best as we can be truthful to our fellows in Leather. The question can and should be asked is our scene lives fulfilling to us and as importantly fulfilling to those we scene with or interact with on a regular basis. These are questions that too often are just glossed over in our regular lives and scene lives. It is much too easy to get caught up in the old me game. I have seen this time and again over the course of the year - in a part of my life that I don't expect to find this type of behavior. We are all of us in this scene supposed to be united together by our drives, purposes and venues for fulfillment. We should be united together, because those around us are for many intents and purposes are against what we do and what we stand for in our lives. This is a good time of the year to reflect upon what you have done to make the scene a better place for yourself, your significant other and for the others who share the same life style as you do. Are you in fact treating others the way you would like to be treated yourself or are in fact others treating you the way you hope they would treat you. These are areas one should be reflecting upon this time of year.

If you are in a particular relationship as a dominant or a submissive are you being fulfilled in that relationship? Are you trying to help your significant other partner to be fulfilled? If you have tried to become involved in D&S relationship and it hasn't happened now is a good time to reflect upon why you feel you haven't been able to achieve what you wanted to achieve. It's self-inventory time folks. Yes tez the season to be jolly."

Well I want to take this opportunity to wish all the readers a Happy Holiday and a happy healthy and prosperous New Year.

© Copyright 2002, All rights reserved.